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Parenting Tip
January 13, 2015
A Heart Approach is Different

Many parents use a simple behavior modification approach to raise their children. “If you get your homework done, then you can go out and play.” “If you clean your room, then you can watch a video.”??

Unfortunately children trained this way often develop a “What's in it for me?” mentality. “If I don't get something out of it, why should I obey?”??

God is concerned with more than behavior. He's interested in the heart. The heart contains motivations, emotions, convictions, and values. A heart-based approach to parenting looks deeper. Parents still require children to finish their homework and clean up their rooms but the way they give the instructions is different.

Instead of just getting things done, parents look for long-term change in their kids. Sometimes children aren't ready to change on a heart level and parents must work to address the heart. That may mean more relationship to open the heart or it may involve more boundaries to show kids that they way they're living just isn't going to work.

A heart-based approach shares values and reasons behind rules. It focuses on character development, not just correct behaviors. It requires more dialogue, helping children understand how their hearts are resistant and need to develop cooperation. A heart-based approach is firm but also relational. It's a mindset on the part of parents that looks to develop heart qualities that then bring about significant change.

As you consider your kids remember the words that God said to Samuel in 1 Samuel 16, “Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.”?

This parenting tip is from the book, Parenting is Heart Work, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

More Helpful Tips:
A Heart Approach is Different
A Lesson in Honor
A Practical Way to Teach Responsibility
A Practical Way to Teach Values
A Time to Practice Saying Thank You
A Work in Progress
Addressing Sibling Conflict
Allow Life to Be the Teacher

An Indirect Approach to Sibling Conflict
Anger is Good
Bad Attitudes Are Automatic Responses
Be Firm Without Being Harsh
Being a Servant at Christmas
Building Relationship Makes Kids More Responsive
Caring for Others
Christmas, A Time to Practice Saying Thank You
Christmas: A Time to Teach Generosity
Communication is Key
Dealing with Morning Dawdling
Desire and Temptation
Don't be Deterred by Resistance
Don't Take the Bait
Emotional Cues
Ending Every Discipline Time Positively
Ending the Discipline Time Positively
Explain New Rules Before You Start
Get a Response
Getting Kids to Listen without Yelling
Giving Instructions
Helping Kids Deal with Emotions
Helping Children Take Responsibility - Part 2
Helping Children Take Responsibility – Part 1
Honesty Requires Character
Honor Defined in Practical Terms

Inspecting Children's Work
Is there a Difference Between Honor and Respect?
Kids Love Heroes
Keep Connections Open
Look Out For Boasting
Missed Opportunities
Monitor Frustration Levels
Not Just Behavior Change
Obey First and Then We'll Talk About It
One Way to Teach Kids Honor
Parenting Babies
Patterns in Family Life
Practical Ways to Connect with Your Child’s Heart
Problem Solving and Decision Making
Raising Emotional Awareness
Retraining the Heart
Sad Instead of Mad
Should I Change My Mind?
Some Kids Drain Energy Out of Family Life

Stop Anger When it Starts
Strong-Willed Children are a Blessing
Suggestions for Influencing Teens
Talk to Teens about Character
Tasks, Problems, Conflict

Teach Children What to Do Next Time
Teaching Children About Anger
Teaching Children to Look for Ways to Help
Teaching Children to Wait
Teaching Through Decision Making
Teaching "Why" Helps Children For the Future
Teens Need Relationship
“That’s Not Fair!”

The Benefit of Reporting Back
The Conscience Needs Training
The Good Side of Anger
The Gratefulness Principle
The Heart is Where We Feel Close
The Heart of Christmas
The Key to Making Devotions Fun
The Truth about Lying
The Value of Correction
The Value of Listening
The Value of Training
The Way You Give Instructions
Use Generosity to Teach Honor
When Children Resist Instructions
When Giving Instructions, Consider the Timing
When Kids Want to Fight

Where a Bad Attitude Comes From
Your Child has a Conscience


 

Parenting Tip
January 13, 2015
A Heart Approach is Different

Many parents use a simple behavior modification approach to raise their children. “If you get your homework done, then you can go out and play.” “If you clean your room, then you can watch a video.”??

Unfortunately children trained this way often develop a “What's in it for me?” mentality. “If I don't get something out of it, why should I obey?”??

God is concerned with more than behavior. He's interested in the heart. The heart contains motivations, emotions, convictions, and values. A heart-based approach to parenting looks deeper. Parents still require children to finish their homework and clean up their rooms but the way they give the instructions is different.

Instead of just getting things done, parents look for long-term change in their kids. Sometimes children aren't ready to change on a heart level and parents must work to address the heart. That may mean more relationship to open the heart or it may involve more boundaries to show kids that they way they're living just isn't going to work.

A heart-based approach shares values and reasons behind rules. It focuses on character development, not just correct behaviors. It requires more dialogue, helping children understand how their hearts are resistant and need to develop cooperation. A heart-based approach is firm but also relational. It's a mindset on the part of parents that looks to develop heart qualities that then bring about significant change.

As you consider your kids remember the words that God said to Samuel in 1 Samuel 16, “Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.”?

This parenting tip is from the book, Parenting is Heart Work, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

More Helpful Tips:
A Heart Approach is Different
A Lesson in Honor
A Practical Way to Teach Responsibility
A Practical Way to Teach Values
A Time to Practice Saying Thank You
A Work in Progress
Addressing Sibling Conflict
Allow Life to Be the Teacher

An Indirect Approach to Sibling Conflict
Anger is Good
Bad Attitudes Are Automatic Responses
Be Firm Without Being Harsh
Being a Servant at Christmas
Building Relationship Makes Kids More Responsive
Caring for Others
Christmas, A Time to Practice Saying Thank You
Christmas: A Time to Teach Generosity
Communication is Key
Dealing with Morning Dawdling
Desire and Temptation
Don't be Deterred by Resistance
Don't Take the Bait
Emotional Cues
Ending Every Discipline Time Positively
Ending the Discipline Time Positively
Explain New Rules Before You Start
Get a Response
Getting Kids to Listen without Yelling
Giving Instructions
Helping Kids Deal with Emotions
Helping Children Take Responsibility - Part 2
Helping Children Take Responsibility – Part 1
Honesty Requires Character
Honor Defined in Practical Terms

Inspecting Children's Work
Is there a Difference Between Honor and Respect?
Kids Love Heroes
Keep Connections Open
Look Out For Boasting
Missed Opportunities
Monitor Frustration Levels
Not Just Behavior Change
Obey First and Then We'll Talk About It
One Way to Teach Kids Honor
Parenting Babies
Patterns in Family Life
Practical Ways to Connect with Your Child’s Heart
Problem Solving and Decision Making
Raising Emotional Awareness
Retraining the Heart
Sad Instead of Mad
Should I Change My Mind?
Some Kids Drain Energy Out of Family Life

Stop Anger When it Starts
Strong-Willed Children are a Blessing
Suggestions for Influencing Teens
Talk to Teens about Character
Tasks, Problems, Conflict

Teach Children What to Do Next Time
Teaching Children About Anger
Teaching Children to Look for Ways to Help
Teaching Children to Wait
Teaching Through Decision Making
Teaching "Why" Helps Children For the Future
Teens Need Relationship
“That’s Not Fair!”

The Benefit of Reporting Back
The Conscience Needs Training
The Good Side of Anger
The Gratefulness Principle
The Heart is Where We Feel Close
The Heart of Christmas
The Key to Making Devotions Fun
The Truth about Lying
The Value of Correction
The Value of Listening
The Value of Training
The Way You Give Instructions
Use Generosity to Teach Honor
When Children Resist Instructions
When Giving Instructions, Consider the Timing
When Kids Want to Fight

Where a Bad Attitude Comes From
Your Child has a Conscience