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Parenting Tip
July 26, 2014
Not Just Behavior Change

Joey's preschool teacher told him to sit down. He said, "No." The teacher, not wanting to be outdone, leaned over Joey and said sternly, "You sit down!" Joey sat down, looked up at the teacher, and replied, "I'm sitting on the outside, but I'm standing on the inside."

Too many children are like Joey, changing their behavior in response to discipline but continuing to disobey in their hearts. As parents we must look for ways to help children make lasting changes, not simply adjust their behavior to get by. How do we do it?

First, we must pray. God is the one who ultimately changes hearts. We can force behavior change but we can't force a change of heart. Secondly, we want to talk about character and genuine heart change with our children to show them that we too are more interested in what's going on inside. Then we look for strategic ways to make progress.

It may be reflecting sorrow instead of anger in the correction process or requiring that a child sit for a while to think about an offense before returning. We may choose a consequence that helps a child realize that the present problem is a serious one and that we aren't going to allow it to go unchecked.

Whatever you do, talk about the heart and the importance of changing on a deeper level. You will help your children make significant changes. After all we don't want to be content with looking good on the outside. It's the internal change that is most important.

This parenting tip comes from the book, "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids" by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. We call it The Honor Book.

More Helpful Tips:
Stop Anger When it Starts
A Time to Practice Saying Thank You
A Work in Progress
Addressing Sibling Conflict
Allow Life to Be the Teacher
Anger is Good
Where a Bad Attitude Comes From
Be Firm Without Being Harsh
The Benefit of Reporting Back
Building Relationship Makes Kids More Responsive
Caring for Others
Christmas: A Time to Teach Generosity
Communication is Key
The Conscience Needs Training
Dealing with Morning Dawdling
Desire and Temptation
Don't be Deterred by Resistance
Don't Take the Bait
Emotional Cues
Ending Every Discipline Time Positively
Ending the Discipline Time Positively
Explain New Rules Before You Start
Getting Kids to Listen without Yelling
Giving Instructions
The Gratefulness Principle
Helping Kids Deal with Emotions
Helping Children Take Responsibility - Part 2
Helping Children Take Responsibility – Part 1
Kids Love Heroes
Honesty Requires Character
Honor Defined in Practical Terms
A Lesson in Honor
Is there a Difference Between Honor and Respect?
The Key to Making Devotions Fun
Keep Connections Open
Look Out For Boasting
Missed Opportunities
Monitor Frustration Levels
Not Just Behavior Change
Obey First and Then We'll Talk About It
Parenting Babies
Patterns in Family Life
Practical Ways to Connect with Your Child’s Heart
Problem Solving and Decision Making
Retraining the Heart
Sad Instead of Mad
Should I Change My Mind?
Some Kids Drain Energy Out of Family Life
An Indirect Approach to Sibling Conflict
Strong-Willed Children are a Blessing
Tasks, Problems, Conflict

Teach Children What to Do Next Time
Teaching Children About Anger
Teaching Children to Look for Ways to Help
Teaching Children to Wait
Teaching Through Decision Making
Teaching "Why" Helps Children For the Future
Teens Need Relationship
“That’s Not Fair!”
The Truth about Lying
Use Generosity to Teach Honor
When Children Resist Instructions
When Giving Instructions, Consider the Timing
When Kids Want to Fight
Your Child has a Conscience


 

Parenting Tip
July 26, 2014
Not Just Behavior Change

Joey's preschool teacher told him to sit down. He said, "No." The teacher, not wanting to be outdone, leaned over Joey and said sternly, "You sit down!" Joey sat down, looked up at the teacher, and replied, "I'm sitting on the outside, but I'm standing on the inside."

Too many children are like Joey, changing their behavior in response to discipline but continuing to disobey in their hearts. As parents we must look for ways to help children make lasting changes, not simply adjust their behavior to get by. How do we do it?

First, we must pray. God is the one who ultimately changes hearts. We can force behavior change but we can't force a change of heart. Secondly, we want to talk about character and genuine heart change with our children to show them that we too are more interested in what's going on inside. Then we look for strategic ways to make progress.

It may be reflecting sorrow instead of anger in the correction process or requiring that a child sit for a while to think about an offense before returning. We may choose a consequence that helps a child realize that the present problem is a serious one and that we aren't going to allow it to go unchecked.

Whatever you do, talk about the heart and the importance of changing on a deeper level. You will help your children make significant changes. After all we don't want to be content with looking good on the outside. It's the internal change that is most important.

This parenting tip comes from the book, "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids" by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. We call it The Honor Book.

More Helpful Tips:
Stop Anger When it Starts
A Time to Practice Saying Thank You
A Work in Progress
Addressing Sibling Conflict
Allow Life to Be the Teacher
Anger is Good
Where a Bad Attitude Comes From
Be Firm Without Being Harsh
The Benefit of Reporting Back
Building Relationship Makes Kids More Responsive
Caring for Others
Christmas: A Time to Teach Generosity
Communication is Key
The Conscience Needs Training
Dealing with Morning Dawdling
Desire and Temptation
Don't be Deterred by Resistance
Don't Take the Bait
Emotional Cues
Ending Every Discipline Time Positively
Ending the Discipline Time Positively
Explain New Rules Before You Start
Getting Kids to Listen without Yelling
Giving Instructions
The Gratefulness Principle
Helping Kids Deal with Emotions
Helping Children Take Responsibility - Part 2
Helping Children Take Responsibility – Part 1
Kids Love Heroes
Honesty Requires Character
Honor Defined in Practical Terms
A Lesson in Honor
Is there a Difference Between Honor and Respect?
The Key to Making Devotions Fun
Keep Connections Open
Look Out For Boasting
Missed Opportunities
Monitor Frustration Levels
Not Just Behavior Change
Obey First and Then We'll Talk About It
Parenting Babies
Patterns in Family Life
Practical Ways to Connect with Your Child’s Heart
Problem Solving and Decision Making
Retraining the Heart
Sad Instead of Mad
Should I Change My Mind?
Some Kids Drain Energy Out of Family Life
An Indirect Approach to Sibling Conflict
Strong-Willed Children are a Blessing
Tasks, Problems, Conflict

Teach Children What to Do Next Time
Teaching Children About Anger
Teaching Children to Look for Ways to Help
Teaching Children to Wait
Teaching Through Decision Making
Teaching "Why" Helps Children For the Future
Teens Need Relationship
“That’s Not Fair!”
The Truth about Lying
Use Generosity to Teach Honor
When Children Resist Instructions
When Giving Instructions, Consider the Timing
When Kids Want to Fight
Your Child has a Conscience